My name is Nicky and in my early 40’s and reside in Ipswich Suffolk this is a little about me and my recovery. I had formed many unhealthy coping mechanism such as drinking alcohol daily and hiding the bottle. I was also suffering from isolation and depression aniexty & panic attacks and I never really delt with my past. I had no Understanding  of my own mental ill health and I used to drink daily to get through the days I never realised I had an issue with alchol I was masking so much. I had difficulties expressing my feelings to loved ones, I lost most of my vision over the years and drinking and drugs in my younger days may have played a part of me losing most of my sight. There was at time I drove all the time when I was a car parts driver and I loved that Job and then I became pregnant and everything changed. I broke my foot and was off work pregnant and about to single. Then later a few years later my sight started to go and now I can no longer drive due to poor vision. I have a visulal impairmet & I am registered as blind this was hard to come to terms with.

The Lack of friends had been a contributing factor to my mental ill health and my health declined over the years, I was drinking alcohol  and ended up having psychotic episodes it seemed to happen when I was drinking alcohol. Being psychotic was witness by my family and I understand  now that this caused distress to my loved ones as well as to myself. It’s a very scary place when you are not in control of your own mind. Anyone having to witness  someone in a state of panic  hallucinating it must have been pretty scarey for all those involved in my care and life. My family stated they felt helpless, I cant imagine  how my children felt and I will not pretend that it would not have affected them as this was a very scary experience for all concerned.

Because of my drinking I nearly lost everything including my children and my loving parents . masking the issues, now that I have removed the mask, I feel like new woman whos been given a second chance of ife. 

My Update 2020  There has been a massive turn around since being supported by the mom Project Over the last year, It’s been one whole year of no drinking and I have taken steps to turn my whole life around and have had a very positive outcome for myself and my entire family. We all communicate effectively with understanding and good communication and we are not ashamed to talk about mental health and the underlying issues. I do have faith and now I can focus better without the alcohol, I have attended several AA meetings to address the alcohol and I also attended Turning point to be tested regularly on the detox program. including being an active member of the MOM Project  talk therapy group which I check-in Daily I recieve encoragingment kind words and the compliment has been returned, Mom’s methods have been  helpful to aid with my recovery and it has given me a sense of purpose. My Loved ones are very proud that I made it through the storm and I am now volunteering my time to help others within the community teaching back about the pitfalls of abuse and addiction.

The mom Project was able to assist me with a reference and I now help in my local Charity shop helping as much as I can even with poor vision im determined to keep active, It is good to be alive and well and good to give back, I am setting a better example to my children and breaking the cycle teaching a better way to communicate and teaching my children not to be ashamed to speak up, It is important children understand mental ill health at a very young age as anyone could be affected at any given time but there is help out there, let’s hope by learning to talk openly they will never experience mental ill-health because they would have learned to speak openly and honestly without fear or judgement and this is what the mom project taught us all. 

The Mom Project and some of the members had the pleasure of being there when I reunited with my 18-year-old son after some time apart due to my ill health and his reluctance to get close to me because of the destruction of alcohol, My addiction caused all of my family sadness this I know now. The day arrived to meet my son and Just before I was due to meet my son which was arranged by the mom project, I started to panic through fear of being let down, I was wondering if my son was going to show up and meet me or was he going to keep his distance after all the disappointment I put him through, I was dreading the rejection.

The mom Project worked with my son and helped me to arrange a meeting with him, my anxiety crept in whilst waiting for my son to arrive at the park in a beautiful setting with the sun shining bright, because of how I was acting my Mentor was able to recognise the signs others wouldn’t. People who have never experienced or seen anxiety and panic attacks might have assumed that I had been drinking when in fact it was anxiety and panic, at one stage it felt like hands around my vocal cords my speech was affected and body language was showing signs of distress I was agitation and in a panic not to mention sweating and talking faster, my heart was racing and my head heavy my breathing was really fast I was nervous. 

Receiving coaching throughout the panic attack to gain control of my breathing was extremely effective, I was able to gain a handle on my breathing and the meeting was able to commence just in time before my son arrived as soon as I held him in my arms I knew I never wanted to risk losing him or any of my family again, they mean more to me than a bottle of alcohol.

My son’s reunion was a significant new chapter of our lives, a fresh start a moment and memory that will last a lifetime we are so grateful for the support given to all of us. The mom team captured our reunion on film and shared with the group at my request as part of my pledge to give back my experience with mental ill-health and addiction, We pledge to give back to the community so that they may gain knowledge and education of the underlying issues of mental ill-health. The mom project played a huge part in my recovery and helped me and my family build and develop a stronger foundation. My family and I are communicating very well and my son has gone off to university to study which I am extremely proud of him.

We have gained knowledge by supporting each other with understanding and listening skills and we have been taught to communicate effectively to lesson the harm caused by poor communication and different love languages people have developed over time (learned behaviour). My three children and my parents are happy and healthy and everyone has their mother and daughter and friend back from beyond the dark world of trauma, I am enjoying my life and look forward to the days ahead. My advice is that your children come first and the learn what they see so teach them a world without depression, keep talking remember they are watch how you handle stress. 

What I learned from Mind Over Matter 

I learned that honesty is the best policy, secrets destroy lives and alcohol doesn’t care who it hurts and destroys. Unhealthy coping strategies can affect loved ones and have a detrimental effect on everybody involved.The choices I had to make, take the help offered, lose the alcohol or lose my children and my entire family. I took the help and made the right choice gaining back my family that I nearly lost over alcohol and keeping secrets.

It’s never too late to change your behaviour, you just got to try another way when all else fails. Mind Over Matters program is very disciplined and structured and I have seen many members regain stability by being on the mom’s program. A dedicated team that has been outstanding throughout out< There was always someone there every day to talk to whilst I went through my recovery.

My family and I are grateful to be taught how to manage my mental health and their mental health we recieved great advice by someone who understood what we were all going through. I related better with someone who has had a lived experience and understood what we all were going through as a family, We welcomed change and was open to new ideas, we welcomed the support with open arms. I was as so grateful for the help given to my entire family including my ex who is my children’s father and plays an active roll in my children’s life. My children’s father worked with the mom project to understand and gain support for himself and me and our children, after all, I am their mother and they needed me to be well again. we all had to pull together as everyone was affected by my drinking and behaviour and numerous hospital visits and my illness.

We co-parent effectively and responsible and our children are so happy and stable now everyone’s life has gone back to normal apart from mine getting back out there away from my four wall when the kids are at school. We are all dedicated with the understanding how to raise healthy happy children reducing fear and behaviour problems. The children are thriving at school and home and have a routine with me at my home and their fathers home. We all understand how to important it is to look after your health.  Our lives are now packed with fun and education with a good direction.

I have had a positive outcome for all concerned and have achieved so much more than I ever thought I could, I have shown that you can get well and I spoke in front of 150 people plus raising awareness within the community with the mom project in front of the Mayor and IIpswich Local Mp. I now star in the MOM project own advertisments and a full length DVD lasting 90 minutes. I was raising awarness. One very proud moment and the perks of being a member of  mom they include you and help make you feel imporant, I love giving back knowing that my talks can make that difference, Look at me I have found my mojo and nothing going to stop me.

I am a testimony that should show anyone thaht  you can recover with support, hard work and determination, what was needed was a focus and structure. The bonus about being on the mom project is that I made friends along the way and have people to communicate with so I no longer feel isolated or alone and I am apart of a life-changing project now offering my time as a volunteer gaining training along the way, I am apart of a community and I am making that difference. I hope that who ever reads my story supports what the mom project is doing as the rely on public donation, They work so hard to save life from being destroyed, if you can help in any way and have gotten somthing from my story please I urge you to help with a small donation as away of helping. Thank you kindly for reading my journey and I hope to who ever is reading this share my story as part of raising awarness for the bennifit of the community.

My future goals are to go on a family holiday with the money I now save from not drinking alcohol. Continue being apart of a wonderful project now that I am rediscovering a whole new me, Thank you to everyone who supported me and my family we are eternally grateful.

Thank you MOM

regards Nicky

 

One thought on “A New Life For Nicky”

  1. This is wonderful to read, Thank you for sharing Nicky.
    I will be bringing my son along, who is fighting anxiety big time along with alcohol issues and more to the honesty meeting on Friday. Looking forward to helping him and our family to help him to have a better chapter in his life.

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